Without language, we would find ourselves living in a state of emotional chaos. Our brain has given us the potential to communicate in extraordinary ways, and the ways we choose to use our words can improve the neural functioning of the brain. A single word has the power to influence the expression of genes that regulate physical and emotional stress.

The right words, spoken in the right way, can bring us love, money, and respect, while the wrong words —or even the right words spoken in the wrong way— can lead a country to war.

Although we are born with the gift of language, we often choose our words without thought, oblivious of the emotional effects they can have on others. We talk more than we need to. We listen poorly, without realizing it, and we often fail to pay attention to the subtle meanings conveyed by facial expressions, body gestures, and the tone and cadence of our voice —elements of communication that are often more important than the words we actually say.

Never speak for more than 30 seconds. Human beings can only process a few “chunks” of information at a time. Too many “chunks” at a time create confusion. Listeners tune out. Speak slowly, speak very slowly — slower than that. Speaking slowly gives your listeners an opportunity to process what you are saying. Pauses give them an opportunity to interrupt with questions and feedback. They give you the opportunity to examine the listener’s non-verbal responses to what you are saying.

Anyone —young or old— can exercise the language and social-awareness centers of the brain in ways that will enhance their capacity to communicate more effectively with others. Put yourself in a positive frame of mind before hand. Do relaxation exercises; remember pleasant times from the past.

Summing-up: Your own positive attitudes will have a positive effect on the person you are communicating with even if in an adversarial situation. Avoid negativity. Language shapes our behavior, and each word we use is imbued with multitudes of personal meaning. Sticks and stones may break your bones, but words can change your brain.